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Tuesday, August 16th, 2005

Time:4:31 pm.
Mood: bored.
a n g e r section

do you have a quick temper?: yes
what do you do when you're mad?: i usually get crappy with who ever i'm around.
what's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?: ahh i'm not sure.
if you can take back time, would you have never done this?: really i'm not sure.
ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: yea :(
ever physically hurt someone when you were mad?: zach, but he's done it tooo. and its not anything that really counts.
do you curse when you're mad?: sure do.

c r y i n g section.

when was the last time you really cried your heart out?: probably when my mom found out about my wreck and that whole bad bad thing.
ever cried yourself to sleep?: yes
ever cried on your friend's shoulder? nope.
ever cried over the opposite sex? yeah.
do you cry when you get an injury? depends.
do certain songs make you cry? yep
can you make yourself cry? yes, it all depends on what i think about.

p a i n section.

what's the hardest thing you've ever had to go through? my relationship with my mom.
what's the worst thing you've done to yourself?: i don't know.
what's the worst thing you've done to somebody else?: i've let lies spiral out of control before.
ever had a painful break up?: in a way.
what about the old 'pain for pleasure'? no.
how depressed can you get?: pretty depressed.
do you inflict pain on yourself?: no.

h a p p y section.

are you normally a happy person?: i'm a "in the moment" type of person.
what can make you happy?: being with my friends.
do you wish you were happier?: sometimes.
what makes you the happiest?: my friends.
is being happy overrated?:i'm not sure.
what about being with your friends, does that make you happy?:definately.
can music make you happy?: oh yes.

l o v e section.

how many times have you had your heart broken?:many.
do you still have feelings for any of your old significant others?: yes
have you ever loved someone so much, that you'd die for them?: yes. especially my mom.
did you ever love a guy, tell them that, and only got 'thanks' as a reply?: nope
ever loved someone so much, it hurt and made you cry?: yeah i have.
has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'i love you' to you? yes
ever stopped a relationship because they didn't say 'i love you'?: no

h a t e section.

who do you actually hate?: i don't know if it's hatred or not.
ever made a hit list?:haha for fun, yes.
have you ever been on a hit list?: oh probably.
are you a mean bully?: no.
do you hate any one that breaks your heart?: no.
do you hate George Bush?: hah.

s e l f - e s t e e m section.

is your self-esteem extremely low?: sometimes.
do you believe in yourself?: most of the time.
when people say they think you are pretty, do you deny you are?: sometimes.
are you one of those idiots that think they are ugly, dumb, and fat?:no
ever wanted to kill yourself because you thought you weren't good enough?: i think "kill" is an exaggeration.
are you happy with who you are?: i've changed a lot this summer.
do you wish you can be someone else?:Nope


1. What is your name? Megan
2. How many siblings do you have? bailey and zach. sort of linze and tasha.
3. What color is your hair? this month its currently blonde.
4. What color are your eyes? blue
5. How tall are you? 5'10
6. Do you like taking showers or baths? shower.
7. Do you have braces? nevahhhhhh.
8. Do you have freckles? yeah. i'm usually a red head, what do you expect.
9. What do you think of yourself? i'm not going to go there.
10. What kind of clothes do you wear? i wear everything.
11. Do you overanalyze a lot? hell yes.
12. Do you do good in school? depends on the class.
13. Are you close to most of your friends? definately.
14. How many maths have you taken? a lot.
15. Do you work? Payless
16. What kind of car do you want? it doesn't matter
17. Do you believe in soulmates? yes.
18. What is today? tuesday.
19. What website's are you subscribed to? lj xanga
20. How many computer's are in your house? 2
21. Do you tan easily? negative.
22. Have you ever been to Florida? what kind of question is that?
23. Do you have any serious medical conditions? no.
24. Have you broken any bones in your body? no.
25. Have you ever seen the show "Laguna Beach"? haha yes.
27. What is the lastest CD you bought? the killers.
28. What is the latest CD you listened to? showbread.
29. Have you had a lot of homework lately? its still summer.
30. Do you like to watch soccer? sorry. but no. i love my soccer friends though.
31. What is your favorite shape? who has a favorite shape?
32. Do you like to blow bubbles? yes
33. Do you smoke? smoking? what's that?
34. Who is your favorite teacher? fitz
35. What do you think of the movie "Napoleon Dynamite"? its... not funny anymore.
36. Do you like Reese's, Snicker's or 3 Musketeers the best? reese's
37. What is your favorite flavor jelly bean? i don't have one
38. Do you straighten your hair every morning? yes i do.
39. When you were little did you ever want to be a pirate? yep
40. Are you familar with the show "Rocko's Modern Life?" YEAH.
41. Have you been to Chuckie Cheese in the past year? i can't remember.
42. Are you in high school? yes
43. Do you plan on going to college? yes
44. Do you have more than 2 piercings? oh yeah.
45. Would you ever get any more piercings? i am saturday.
46. Do you have a lot of nicknames? a few
47. Do people call you by your real name? yes
48. Do you live on the water? nope
49. Have you ever been skiing? nope
50. Have you ever been snowboarding? no
51. Have you ever purchased anything from CVS? yes
52. What are you scared of? being alone in the dark.
53. Have you ever had sushi? yes
53. Have you ever eaten calamari? yes and its AWESOME.
54. Do you like dogs? yes
55. Do you believe in any form of religion? yea
56. What does your bedroom look like? its messy.
57. Do you read a lot? sometimes. not recently.
58. How long is your hair? a little past my shoulders
59. Do you have any bad habits? sure.
60. Where do you go to school? Jeff
61. What is the last thing you heard? zach coming upstairs.
62. What is the next big holiday coming up? halloween
63. Are you going to the beach this summer? doubt it
64. Have you ever played online Bingo? lol no.
65. Have you ever played iSketch online? nope
66. What color pens do you have? blue black?
67. When was the last time you were sick? last week.
68. Do you eat your vegetables? yes i do.
69. Do you wear skirts a lot? occasionally.
70. What is your favortie outfit? anything with jeans and my chucks.
71. Are you addicted to gum? yes
72. Do you get into sports on TV? depends on the sport.
73. Who do you think is the hottest celebrity? i'm not sure.
74. What is your least favorite band? dunno
75. What is the best ride in an amusement park? rollercoasters
76. What is the last thing you said out loud? "uhh okay"
77. Are you extremely bored right now? yes
78. Do you like having snowball fights? yes
79. When was the last time it snowed? winter
80. When was the last time you saw a fight? dunno
81. Have you ever seen a dolphin up close? yep
82. Do you overuse the word "LOL"? yes
83. Do you like to watch porn? nope
84. How many classes are you in in school right now?none its summer
85. How often do you check your email? every so often
86. Have you ever wished upon a star? yea!
87. What was the last party you went to? it was earlier in the summer.
88. Who was the last person you had over your house? sam when she came to pick me up.
89. What's the best quality in a guy/girl? trustworthiness.
90. Do you own a LiveStrong bracelet? no.
91. What was the most trouble you've ever gotten into? the trouble that took me to court.
92. What mesmorizes you when you look at it? umm.
93. What is the best guy name? theres a best guy name?
94. Have you ever been set up with somebody you hardly knew? unfortunately yes.
96. When was the last time you got in trouble at school? when i got a minor for leaving for lunch..thats right, i'm bad ass.
97. Are you sitting in a computer chair? yea
98. Who is in the room with you? my dog.
99. What is on the table that you are sitting at? computer stuff
100. How many ljs have you viewed today about? a few
Comments: share your thoughts.

Monday, August 15th, 2005

Time:1:57 am.
i love how i look back at all my entries and there are a lot of words written but its basically saying nothing.

although it is pretty funny seeing some of the things i've done. lots of insiders and stuff i had forgotten about.

today was just "one of those days".

i love talking to cody. he can really relate about the toughest crap. blah.

i don't know anymore. i really don't.

its offically august 15th so...HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA SUE SCOTT! i think its safe to say that you deserve a whole box o' dilly bars!
Comments: 2 thoughts - share your thoughts.

Saturday, August 13th, 2005

Time:3:08 am.
i'm incredibly unsure about a lot of things. and its been driving me completely insane.

then the past few days, i've just realized, that maybe i'm supposed to be confused. and maybe it's actually easier if i just don't think about all of this. Because, living for the moment, it really makes me feel a whole lot better. i'm so sick of being my indecisive self. handling each day as it comes helps me think clearly. why think of all the complications and all the downs if you can just enjoy each day and what's being thrown at you at the current time?

oh yeah... i know why.

because some things just don't go away. or do they? and is this all just in my head? i don't know.
Comments: 6 thoughts - share your thoughts.

Saturday, June 18th, 2005

Time:3:10 pm.
20 random friends:
1- cait
2- abbi
3- emily
4- Laren
5- Haby
6- Brad
7- Sean
8- Michelle
9- Noe
10- Rhett
11- James
12- Spence
13- hannah
14- sammy
15- alex
16- britney
17- andrew
18- cody
19- travis h
20- steph
Who is #8 going out with? hehehe that'd be sean
-Is #9 a boy or a girl? well we're pretty sure he's a boy
-Would #11 and #2 make a cute couple? lmfao, i don't know
-How about #18 and #4? they'd def. get along
-What grade is #17 in? he'll be a senior
-When was the last time you talked to #12? yesterday, i think
-What is #6's favorite band? he listens to a lot
-Does #1 have any siblings? yep shes got an older brother
-Would you ever date #3? emily?, psh any time!
-Would you ever date #7? he's like a brother to me...sorry but that's all the love i have for him.
-What's #15's last name? kalish
-What's #10's middle name? David
-What's #5's favorite thing to do? she's insane...who knows with haby. but i love her.
-Is #13 outgoing? hannah is one of the most outgoing people i knwo
-Would #14 and #19 make a good couple? well sammy is taken, and travis is my sex toy, so i think NO.
-What school does #20 go to? jeff
-Tell me a random fact about #11? he just got kicked out of his garage and has to live in his house again lol.
-And #3? she's my best friend.
-Have you ever had a crush on #15? nope, but i know somebody who doesssss
-What's #4's favorite color? i should know this but i don't, i think it might be red?
-Would you make out with #14? ahh, sorry sam, but no.
-Are #5 & #6 best friends? they don't even know each other.
-Does #7 like #20? they don't know each other either.
-Does #8 like #19? yup they're good friends
-How did you meet #2? through haley and emily.
Comments: 8 thoughts - share your thoughts.

Time:2:52 pm.
Mood: crushed.
Have you ever...

(yes) smoked a cigarette
(nope) smoked a cigar
(yes) smoked anything else
(just a kiss lol) made out with a member of the same sex
(yes, yes i have) crashed someone else's car
(nope) stolen a car

(sure) been in love
(yes) shoplifted
(no) been fired
(no) been in a fist fight

(yes)snuck out of parent's house
(yeah) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(yes i have) been arrested
(yes lol) made out with a stranger
(no) gone on a blind date

(yeah) lied to a friend
(no) had a crush on a teacher
(yep) skipped school
(no) slept with a co-worker
(no) seen someone die

(no) had a crush on one of your MYSPACE friends
(no) been to Canada
(no) been to Mexico
(no) been on a plane
(no) thrown up in a bar

(no) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(don't remember) eaten Sushi
(no) been snowboarding
(no) met someone BECAUSE of myspace
(no) been moshing at a concert

(no) been in an abusive relationship
(ya) taken painkillers
(yeah) love someone right now
(yes) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(yes) made a snow angel

(yes) had a tea party
(yes) flown a kite
(yeh) built a sand castle
(YES!) gone puddle jumping
(last week acutally!) played dress up

(yes) jumped into a pile of leaves
(yes) gone sledding
(yes) cheated while playing a game
(yeah) been lonely
(yeah) fallen asleep at work/school

(nope) used a fake ID
(yep) watched the sun set
(no) felt an earthquake
(yep) touched a snake

(oh yes) been tickled
(yep) been robbed
(nope) robbed someone
(oh yes) been misunderstood
(oh yes) pet a reindeer/goat

(sure) won a contest
(nope) ran a red light
(nope) been suspended from school
(yes) had detention
(yes) been in a car accident

(nope) had braces
(nope) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(yes) had deja vu
(lol yeah) danced in the moonlight

(yep) hated the way you look
(i think) witnessed a crime
(no) pole danced
(Yes) questioned your heart
(Yes) been obsessed with post-it notes

(yeah) squished barefoot through the mud
(yeah) been lost
(yep) been to the opposite side of the country
(nope) swam in the ocean
(sure have) felt like dying

(yes) cried yourself to sleep
(yes) played cops and robbers
(i don't know) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(yep) sung karaoke
(haha yea) paid for a meal with only coins

(yes) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(oh yes) made prank phone calls
(lol yeah) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your mouth
(yep) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(actually, i sure have :)) kissed in the rain

(written many) written a letter to Santa Claus
(nope) been kissed under a mistletoe
(does the sunrise count?) watched the sunset with someone you care about
(yep) blown bubbles
(nope) made a bonfire on the beach

(nope) crashed a party
(no) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(yep) gone rollerskating/blading
(Yep) had a wish come true
(lol no) humped a monkey

(yep) worn pearls
(nope) jumped off a bridge
(Yep) screamed "penis" in class
(maybe) ate dog food
(lol yeah) told a complete stranger you loved them

(yep) sang in the shower
(yes) have a little black dress
(nope) fucked in a park
(nope) fucked in the bathoom
(yeah) had a dream that you married someone
(maybe?) glued your hand to something

(NO) got your toungue stuck to a pole
(i don't know) kissed a fish
(sure have) worn the opposite sexes clothes
(sure haven't) been a cheerleader
(yep) sat on a roof top

(no no) had sex at a church
(many times) screamed at the top of your lungs
(maybe) done a one-handed cartwheel
(yes i have) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(oh yeah) stayed up all night

(nope) didnt take a shower for a week
(i dont' know) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(yep) climbed a tree
(nope) had a tree house
(yes) are scared to watch scary movies alone

(yes) believe in ghosts
(no) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
(yes) worn a really ugly outfit to school
(sort of) gone streaking
(yes) played ding-dong-ditch

(ya) played chicken
(YES LIKE LAST WEEK.) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(Nope) broken a bone
(YEs) been easily amused

(no) caught a fish then ate it
(no) made porn
(yes) caught a butterfly
(yes) laughed so hard you cried
(yes) cried so hard you laughed

(yes) mooned/flashed someone
(hehh yes) had someone moon/flash you
(yup) cheated on a test
(yup) forgotten someone's name

(nope) slept naked
(yup) French braided someones hair
(nope) gone skinny dipping
(yes i have) been kicked out of your house

life sucks when you're grounded :(
Comments: 1 thought - share your thoughts.

Sunday, May 1st, 2005

Time:1:12 pm.
As the moon kindles the night
As the wind kindles the fire
As the rain fills every ocean
And the sun, the earth
With your heart, kindle my heart

Take my heart
Take my heart
Kindle it with your heart
And my heart
Cannot be
Kindled without you
With your heart
Kindle my heart
Comments: share your thoughts.

Saturday, April 30th, 2005

Subject:time for some bitchin'
Time:12:30 am.
I am so pissed. I hate the fact that i've wanted it for sooo long, watched multiple people get in my way of having it, and have come sooo close....just to have somebody new get in the way. I don't even know if she's really in the way. i just know it pissed me off.

Abbie.....you always make me feel better. ALWAYS. i love you. Emily...you too.

I think i'm going to go throw something now.
Comments: 2 thoughts - share your thoughts.

Tuesday, April 26th, 2005

Time:11:18 pm.
Mood: exhausted.
well. everything = insanely busy.

DumbBlondey22: i have no time for life

ahhhhhh. amen.
Comments: 1 thought - share your thoughts.

Monday, April 25th, 2005

Subject:yepp, definately stole this from sam :)
Time:5:45 pm.
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song[s]/movie[s]/book[s] remind me of you.
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you of a quote that comes to mind when I think of you.
08. Put this in your journal
Comments: 15 thoughts - share your thoughts.

Tuesday, April 19th, 2005

Time:11:14 pm.
Mood: tired.
today was surprisingly good...overslept, got to school barely on time, almost barfed while disecting pigeons w/ korbin...2nd hour...ran into matt, jenny, and michelle in the hall...told norman i was going to watch my "cousin" cory's senior project...sean then came to ole jefferson high school to watch cory's proj...hung out with him for a while...lunch w/ korby and sara...choir...after school choreo practice...went tanning with lucero...saw my lauren hill's name on the sign list at malibu tan and i felt connected to her lmfao... lucy took me home...The End.

my throat is not swelled upped anymored. yay.

emily and abbie are forever my lovers. just to let you all know. center street. we're coming soon.
Comments: share your thoughts.

Sunday, April 17th, 2005

Time:4:00 pm.
Mood: dorky.
Well, I definately haven't written in this thing for a good 3 months or so. I'm not sure why i am now? I guess i just sorta felt like it. This has definately been one of those okay weekends. Friday i hung out with my one and only emily, we went and visited our lover abbigail and then tracked down adam, ryan, and johnson. a suprise hottie was with them. Yes, that was fun. Until emily and i felt like unwanted at ryans house. hehee. SOOO. we motored out of there. yesterday morning i went tanning and hit up the library and actually worked on my research project. hell yes i did. and then the lovely sara fountain came over to teach me the choreo i missed. we got well, NOTHING accomplished. ha. then that awesome boy bradley spray came and picked me up and we headed to youth group where i got to see my lauren hill. I love them. So all in all, i got to see many people i love this weekend. i also chatted with seanly. the end.

The negatives...
-the parentals are in california for the week. and the grandmother is here....thats actually turning out to be only sort of bad.
- I got bitched at by some freaking idiot for absolutely no reason at all, oh well, i'm over it i think.

well this girls heading to work in few minutes so i'm out of here.

oh and one last thing,
hey lindsey.....HOLLER!!!
Comments: 1 thought - share your thoughts.

Thursday, January 13th, 2005

Time:4:44 pm.
sometimes i just don't understand anything.
Comments: 2 thoughts - share your thoughts.

Wednesday, December 15th, 2004

Time:6:27 pm.
i feel like nobody cares.

and they don't.

i wish i could tell you everything. i know then you'd understand. but i just can't.
Comments: 10 thoughts - share your thoughts.

Saturday, October 9th, 2004

Subject:i'm tired.
Time:9:07 pm.
Mood:i can't explain my mood.

i know its been forever since i've written but i just don't know. I really don't understand any thing that's going on with my life. I don't understand myself. I don't understand my decisions. I keep wondering if I'm even right. Life is is just blah basically. It's going and and everything but that's just it...it's only going. Everything just seems like it has no purpose. It just happens to happen i guess. i don't think i'm making sense.

well i guess i've got two weeks to filll you all in on BUT i don't feel like doing that so i'll just cover the good stuff. Last week....i can't really even remember lol. I don't know i guess i had chorus every night. yah that's crazy. its been fun though. Going out to eat with brody afterwords actually is the fun part probably. Making fun of HANNY with sarah lysiak on car rides home is fun too. i love sarah, she is HILARIOUS. and then nights when haley doesn't have soccer and is at chorus, those are good too. because I LOVE HALEY. and when are we making our goodwill trip? LET ME KNOW HALEY BECAUSE , DAMN IT I MISS YOU!

 last week had a couple half days in it, if i do recall. on THURSDAY i ended up getting steph grounded. Ahhh. I’m sorry steph. who knew connie was going to see you driving people around? ehh. so steph illegally drove chels and i to floyd's house, to china garden to eat, and then to watch johnson and keegan and adam skate, and then home . oh well, we had fun.

although i hate chinese food. but i love steph and chels and floyd and coch. and coch looked like john kerry. and he disagreed. and floyd and i remebered the good times of when people called him Bar Graph. and i wore chelsie's glasses. and Steph answered people's cell phones and got yelled at for it which equals ----a GAYYY THING TO GET MAD ABOUT.--- ANYWAYS. keegan i love you! and i'm glad we watched you skate.

on last friday october first... i turned sixteennnnnnnnnnnn!!! yes i finally made it and so did LUCERO! Luc, i looooooveee you!!!  friday morning luc and i exchanged birthday gifts like we do every year. that was fun, then we went to first hour which we have together, and that was fun. we cheated off our p.e. test. we're really dumb and didn't know how to label a tennis court. but really that's okay. because we turned sixteen and so who cares if you can label the parts of a tennis court or not.

emily and abbie made me FUCKING AWESOME birthday cards. Yeah abbies was all MEAG and whipped inside was one of wonderful rhyming poems. and emily gave me a picture of a bowtox woman who we used to make fun of. and getting birthday hugs from everyone at school. that was good too. so after school i came home. and went out to pepe's with the family for my birthday. it was a good night. nothing to spectacular though, i mean turning 16 is supposed to be the greatest thing ever...the only thing it's doing for me is letting me ring up tobaco and cigarettes at work and and drive in a few monthes. hmmm.

i've decided it's reallllllllly funny when people spell my name wrong because abbie spells it with an a.  oooo like say NATE.  and especially when nate is talking to me on online and my screen name has MEGAN in it and he still spells it with an a.  i've decided that cracks me up. i'm glad i smacked the door in your face during srt.  i hope maybe you'll make sense out of youself one day. lol.

 then i worked sat and sun and KATIE TURNED 16 ON sun.!!! i'm so proud of her! she's 16 and still alive, too! i was supposed to hang out with katie and lysh on saturday...but that didn't work out... which bummed me out because i love them so damn much. I feel like i really am lucky to have people like katie and alycia around. they really help me see sides to things that I otherwise wouldn't. thanks for always being there guys...

AARON CALLLED!! and i was happy! because i hadn't talked to him in FOREVER...literally. I really miss him ALOT. and i hate not being able to talk to him when i want to.

chelsie came over monday. we delivered our cheesesss and our sausagesss. and we talked. and we laughed. and we had a good time like chelsie and i always do.

on wednesday..cait and i hung out. caitlin is so gosh damn amazing. I'm sick of all these fucking loser ass guys who think they can screw her over. She's always there for people. ALWAYS. i can't think of one single fucking time that she's ever let me down. and it pisses me off that people can sit around and do this to her. Especially ONE certain person. and you know exactly who the hell you are. I expected so much more out of you. Everyone did. But you've changed. and now you're an ass. Hopefully one day you'll realize everything and everyone that you had when you weren't an ass and you were the guy we ALL loved. because i sure loved the OLD you.

...but contrary to all the bullshit going on we had a great time...after school trey picked us up and got all pissed off because the parking lot was jammed really bad so he started screaming at people. and then tried to communicate to people who were 30 feet away in another car by yelling out the window. that was funny too. at the mall we met up with lucero and emily...irwin not walker. and then we saw SARAH AND KATIE. and then brian howard. and matt cook. and it was fun. cait and i walked through overflowing toilet water, watched some lady call this old man a fag, saw an OLD OLD OLD OLDDDDDDDDD man with a HUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEE stomach with this speedo type short shirt/shorts combo going on. and the butt/back looking woman. ahhh. talking to cait is always good because we can always relate to each other. and it reallllly helps to have somebody you can do that with around.

thursday night was my LETS STAY UP UNTIL 4 IN THE MORNING FOR A LAME ENGLISH PAPER night. it was really....dumb...but all the cool kids like lauren and carrie and kyle and haley stayed up also. thursday morning i wanted to die. but i bought applejuice so i was happy.

friday i went with shari and sam up to muncie for prestons game. after two hours of searching, we found a BIG BOY. and of course we ate there. and then after stopping 700 more times and getting directions we found the stadium and watched the last half of the game. it was a good time. sam and i didn't fight, we talked. we got some things out in the open. i have no idea how long it took us to get home...i slept the whole way. and then we got back 45 minutes before the bus did. so i fell asleep again. and andrew comes barging out from the school and whips the door open where my sleeping self almost fell out. we took andrew home. went and got preston something to drink and then took me home.

i miss my best friend. and i miss my sexy red headed sister. what the hell is up with all of this. i haven't talked to emily in forever and i haven't talked to abbie in even longer. I love you two so damn much. i miss you guys. this situation pisses me off. abbie get ungrounded please.

i hate how fake people can act towards each other.  I'm seriously sick of all this bullshit.  I'm sick of every day having to defend myself because someone somewhere had to open thier moth and start talking.  "Lies come back and get you in the end"  who the hell made that up because obviously there is an exception for certain people out.  I'm so sick of people making BULL SHIT up and people getting blamed for what they did NOT start.  NO MORE LIES.  is it that hard?

and are you going to judge me for what i've written in? gonna get all pissed off and act like i've betrayed?  if so,  just tell me flat out and don't hide behind it.  that's all i'm asking.

 im done for now. i'm gonna go eat some ice cream.

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Sunday, September 26th, 2004

Subject:gooood weekend :)
Time:8:54 pm.
Mood: high.

this weekend was awesome. i had so much fun and i spent it with people that gave me a much needed reality check. I'm really realizing who i need in my life. and who i can survive with out. i feel so much better about things. especially my decisions. it's really starting to get easier.

saturday i worked 1-7...but it wasn't bad at all....i was with some really nice people who helped me out a ton. i know that abbi, when you read this...it will make you proud. hah. my wonderful first working experiences.

well after work, i came home, my dad went out and got us dinner...because spencer was still here so there was like 5 bajillion of us. so we ate, took spencer home, and my dad dropped me off at cait's. that was such a good night.

Cait had the bonfire goin in her back yard....so we all just sat around the fire and hung out. i loved it. i love all of them so much. chels, kaelin, steph, keegan, ashley, kevin, cory, sam and seth and coch were there. chels and coch um GOT COZY. kevin and ashley um GOT COZY. cory and kevin ran around the field naked and i missed it! it was really great talking to seth, he's an awesome guy and i haven't really talked to him in like probably years. keegan played his guitar and we sang. kaelin and i got to talk about things. and it was just an awesome night.

 steph came home with me and i showed her the chin thing. we lied to alex about my dog. that was fun. we talked. we went to chuch. lauren painted a cow with utters on my face. and then the poop of angels on the other side. she gave my pants back.

then brad drove us to the shannon hoon's grave site. since today was his birthday they had this whole entire set up for him. it was pretty awesome. but the people were all smoking and basically camping out there. and this one guy pretty much begged brad for a ride. and brad just walked away from it.  it was comical.

steph and i came back here for a while. then my madre drove us to the library so we could work on our english project...which we completely DID NOT DO. we found all these yearbooks in the back of the library. so we spent our time looking up shannon hoon, bill bailey, and then my grandpa. lol it was fun. whoooo knew. but i love steph. and i had fun with her this weekend. :)

 then the best thing ever happend... i actually got to talk to my abbiegail for like 10 minutes. ABBIE. i love you. and i miss you. and we're going to figure this out. cause this situation sucks. hmmmm.

mr forestor, i sure hope you are up for some hard core chorus rehersals this week.  i love you. and you are awesome. and do not ever forget this. and hopefully we'll get another show.  *hopefully* *tears up*




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Saturday, September 25th, 2004

Subject:blah long week.
Time:10:57 am.
Mood: happy.

ahh well, this week went on and on forever.  i steps sucked so incredibly much.  but oh well, at least they're done.  I TURN 16 THIS FRIDAY.....KATIE TURNS 16 THIS SUNDAY.  I get paid today which = BIRTHDAY SHOPPING FOR KATIE'S SOCKS AND WHAT NOT!!!  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


monday night cait and i watched one tree hill.  we were happy.



chelsie came over tuesday night and we attempted to deliver all of our crap.  but nobody was home.  which means we got no where.  so we ended up going to caleb's house.  and talking to him for a while.  caleb's hilarious.


so my week involved chorus pretty much every night.  its time consuming.  but when haley and sam and brody are there we have MUCHO FUN!  and thursday night we watched the murder mystery play and that was really good.  and then after the play Haley and I were waiting for my dad to come pick us up and we got a sort of  *dance show* put on for us.  That was funniest thing i've ever seen in my life. 

Last night i didn't end up getting to go to heather's for tyler's suprise party....TYLER....HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!!!! and Heather....i love you sooo much!! i'm sorry i couldn't make it!


The best part of my week by far was ....having LAUREN HILL.......my little urinal hell.....come over yesterday.  We did many a things.  We danced for the schwan man.  we drew marker faces on chins and talked about......"MI LLAMO JAIME........ZHAMIE"  yes it was FUN.  and we talked about all of our crap going on.  we tired to talk to 'edogg' but it didn't work out.  we went on a walk.  we smacked every mail box in my neighborhood with a stick.  we watched the boy next door mow.  I love her so much.  Lauren = one of the best people ever in the whole entire world who i lovvvvvvvve!!!

emily never called us back or came over?  i'm guessing she ended up at heather's?

abbi and i have a save preston plan.

but preston doesn't call me anymore and i have no idea why?  Well maybe I do.   and if it's because of what i think it is.  That's really shitty. but oh well, i guess.




i think i'm leaving.




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Sunday, September 19th, 2004

Time:10:15 pm.
Mood: bored.

today was good...went to church....talked to lauren and brad and alan and all those wonderful people whom i <3! came home, and then went up to mccaw and played tennis with Haby...haha that was awesome... i love her SOO much. we worked on everything, and I'm a really bad tennis player.  But oh well...then she illegally drove us over to culver's to get some ice cream. and then we came back to mccaw and talked for a while, while we waited for my momTHAT was soo much fun! Gooood afternoon! I came home...and talked to steph for a while, didn't study....until like 8...and i'm still not done...haha.

 I talked to both Katie and Alycia tonight....and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH...ALWAYS AND FOR FUCKING EVER!!!  its hard lysh, but you'll really get through everything, i promise!


i find out this dissapointing news tonight from sean....

ccbballa24: hey uh not to burst ur bubble u go to anagramsite and type in your name and it gives you what it can spell with ur name
ccbballa24: he didnt figure them our by himslef


thats so sad

blake gave me a 4 am wake up call.  the first time ever.


and im booooooorreeddd and still procrastinating homeowork.


Emily and I made up the biggest story ever last night and randy believed us for the longest time. and that was hilarious.


Happy Birthday Abbie....i love you SO MUCH.  and the fact that i didn't get to talk to you on your birthday makes me want to hurt somebody. :(




i talked to mitch miller.  who i <3 SOOO MUCH. and he needs to come home :(

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Saturday, September 18th, 2004

Subject:completely bored.
Time:8:38 pm.
Mood: numb.

well my parents are fighting a LOT at this exact moment.  That's all they've done this whole weekend is yell at each other.  so i'm keeping clear of them both. hahahaa. this weekends been pretty okay.  lets yesterday i worked from 4-6....and today i got up and was actually home on a saturday morning for the first time in a long time.  So i went with my mom to take bailey to her ballet lessons.  so while bailey was in class, my mom and i went through some of the antique stores that are downtown.  that was pretty...well...nice.  I never really spend time with my mom alone like that, and i don't know, it was good talking to her ab some stuff. we saw like this old antique boob enlargment gel and my mom bought it...cuase it was funny...it's in my room on my shelf, hmmmm.  so after bailey's a.m. class was over we went over to mccaw to zachs game.  THAT was also awesome, because it's been the first time i've seen my brother play this fall.  he's quite a kick ass switch hitter, i do believe.  My dad was umping for a few games so we ended up being at mccaw for quite a while...that was fine tho, cause i love baseball and i'll watch a game any time.  we ended up getting home around 2.  I cleaned my room. swept. not anything toooooooooooo exciting.  we went to like this neighborhood social thing that was completely boring so zach and i came home after oh about 5 minutes of being there.

abbie's ass is dead and thats NOT good.


after emily got back from noblesville, i talked to her for a few hours.  and that was good.  I love her to death and beyond.  and you know somebody is your best friend when they make a countdown of how many days left until you turn 60.  hmm I LOVE YOU!!!! SOOOO MUCH!   so tomorrow i'm hopefully going to church with em...not just any church...but the church TROY SKIDMORE AND MORGAN FITCH go to.....YEEEEEEEEAHHHh!!! can we say "two incredibly awesome people" ???? yes, i think we can!!!

after i get home, i'm getting tennis lessons from...LAUREN HABY!! hell yeah!!! haha its gonna be so awesome, i haven't hung out with that girl in forever...and we're gonna play some kick ass tennis!

and then i'm swearing on everything....that i AM going to study for my alg 2 test, if i don't....i'm totally a liar and screwed....so everybody I AM PASSING THIS ONE.


SPENCER'S MOVING IN BEHIND ME!!!!!!!!!! that is completely the  most awesomest news ever.



bored and starting writing last night....


Sometimes I understand myself.

The creepy, psychotic need for pain, thats never fully satisfied.

How do i rid myself of this....?

Maybe the cut wasn't deep enough or the dosage wasn't strong enough.

Give me something, I need to get that feeling.

That 'everything is perfect, but it's not' feeling.

I love you more than you know

but underneath that i hate you.

yet ever deeper, i still love you.

how far do these layers go?

Hopefully they won't reach my petrified soul...

my undeserving soul that needs God in everything I do.

So undeserving.


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Thursday, September 16th, 2004

Time:10:07 pm.
Mood: blank.

today wasn't that exciting...uhhhh? school was okay. i came home and accidentally fell asleep and didn't wake back up til like 7...i called haley and then we went to chorus...but were only there for 5 minutes because we DIDN'T have to be there tonight...sooo we took haley home, i came home and talked to emily. i love her. always and forever.  nobody better ever. and then I TALKED TO LAUREN TONIGHT, for the first time in like days... i miss her, she's going through such SHIT and she doesn't deserve any of it.


well somethings wrong with me and i'm always tired at night but i just lay on my bed and cannot sleep...yet i can sleep anytime during the day. whatever. i'm going to go lay on my bed and think.




Don't make a stupid decision, don't get hurt.


i know you will anyways.

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Wednesday, September 15th, 2004

Subject:an okay day
Time:11:23 pm.
Mood: grateful.

welll i'm waiting for KYLE to hurry up and finish the notes for english so he can send them to me so i decided why not write while i'm waiting....sooooooooo here i am :)

well today was honestly an okay day.  I don't anything bad really happened at all. first hour i played more tennis with luc...2nd hour *much to our surprise* ali and i both some how managed to get b's on the last spanish test.  3rd hour we had a sub and so Joey and i just talked the entire period. he's great. then randy brought me home at 1 because i hate my srt and never want to go.  and randy's awesome.  came home, talked to em and abbs for a while...my mom came home at 3 and we managed to get into a fight, out of a fight, and ended up making fun of hilary duff together. that's love right there. ha. I went to piano...and heres the deal with that...yeah i was all excited that after years of begging her mom finaly was willing to let me quit...but tonight my uncle sent me this beautiful card from d.c. with some really awesome story about this boy and his passion for music and his dreams with it.  and the moral is that i didn't realize how much i would miss playing until i read this.  and i do love my music.  and i've suffered through 9 years of lessons already ...but its always worth that feeling of playing in concerts and recitals in front of people, many you don't even know.  besides dwight is awesome and i've NEVER had any other teacher. WELL so i'm I GUESS I'M NOT QUITTING.  steph...be happy(by the way i miss you!!!! and i love you!!).  so then i went to chorus.  which was fun.  cause i love sam petry and brody and haley and all those awesome people there. I FOUND MY PURSE THERE.  I'M SO DUMB.  I looked for it for 45 minutes this morning, then i made abbie search the school with me, and then i find in the choir room.  I'm stupid.

well i've got to go talk to aaron and finish my algebra 2 h/w cause everybody whoes anybody knows that leaving math homework til the last minute is how its DONE.

i just realized this MUST be a good day if my 'biggest' problems were piano lessons and finding my purse. 



i love good days.

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